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Some selected writings...

... for those not close enough to me to know the daily drama that has become my life of the last nine months or so I haven't room to explain the bullshit...

That being said, it should be sufficient to note, that my ultimate source of "pride" in building has sat languishing and "half-offline" the better part of the same period... while I have subsequently pulled other revenue generation sources offline as well due to various other things going awry... all in all, shit in my world has seen plenty of better days and at this very moment as I type this I have a hard time recalling an instance where I felt more things were in need of repair or restructuring in my life...

So with my cards laid out, and little more than a "chip and a chair" I've begun rooting through boxes of what supposedly is "me" that I have inherited back from my father as he departs NV following my mom's passing and leaves only the second house I have ever known as my parent's home to be reclaimed by whatever bank, lienholder, or mortgage company holds the note at present...

I truly wish I had something sufficient to say, or some words that could convey the general pointlessness and despair I feel at this point in time, but there is little in the way of palabras I know that offer appropriate sentiment...

So instead of boring anyone with inane musings on topics well above my pay grade, lemme just offer up a little bit of what I guess I am moderately good at and that is simply being me...

Make what you like of it as invariably that's all anyone can do....

Hope you enjoy...

I'll get back to picking myself up shortly... in the interim... realize D/s and the 12 billion other things I have some sort of hand in are on some random hold cycle until my head isn't such a muddled fucking mess...  

Wish I could be Superman... unfortunately, I'm not even close...

Until next time...

vfd // john

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(Two-12)

I wish I believed you love me,
I wish I knew you care,
Because all I feel exists now,
Is pain wrapped in my fear

I no longer see the glimmer
Of what once was light ahead
I'm sure that its extinguished
When you left me for his bed

These are only my words
Just my hurt and scars
You had part in the infliction
But suffered none the harm

I should have seen the folly
All deceit hid in the lies
But trust is all I'd e'er believe
Ironic it's how I die...

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(One, two, three...)

Everybody, everywhere
          Running here and pushing there
Faster, faster
          Go, go, go
Can't calm down
          Can't move slow


Not a winner, not at all
          He who's fastest down the hall
Get here, get this, all done quick
          Doesn't mean a thing but shit

Just the mind of which you own
          Will get you more than crumbs are thrown
Til you learn this, you'll never know
          But fuck the lesson, GO GO GO

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(Never Enough)

Such a joke, these things I write
The duration, not but a night
Still you look, and find it hidden
Guilt, and pain, and death, I've written

No you're wrong, a cynic I
Nothing hid, this lullaby
Things are only what they seem
No deep and dark hid 'mongst the dream

Only words in black and white
Lasting barely but a night

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(Weight)

Don't set your dreams upon my shoulders
I can barely lift my own
And as each day slowly passes
I feel the weight has grown

I've never been a superman
Someone who could do it all
See the things they've stacked upon me
Soon each will surely fall

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(Truth and Lies)

Who gives a damn about me
Surely you have not the time
What difference can these words make
Not much but pleasant rhyme

So the rhythm and the patter
The conversation chat
These are all that matter
Not whom upon you've spat

Forget promise after promise
Made truth whilst spoken twice
I sit painful consequence
Folly aptly known as nice

Only final stanza
Of this pitter pat
For it never fucking matters
Words uttered, idle chat

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